As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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