wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
