there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
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Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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