I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
