Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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