Your mouth is God's brothel.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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