There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
