gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am naked and annoyed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
