is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
