Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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