I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
