so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
