After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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