So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize