This is not my ceiling
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
