So drunk its hurt
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
