4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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