Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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