life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize