He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
