he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
