On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
