Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
