don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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