dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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