If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
