and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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