He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
