You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
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i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
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The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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