he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
