Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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