I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
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well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
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Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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