The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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