Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
