Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
