Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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