my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
jump out the window naked night went bad
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
