I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
