She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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