omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
