Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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