someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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