the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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