The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
