lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
