Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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