hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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