Where is the hickey?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
