Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
