i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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