everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Randomize
