Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
