You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
