But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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