i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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