i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
