that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
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I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
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You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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