I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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