the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
