let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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