I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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