Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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