The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
