I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize