I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
