there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
