I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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