Little spoons don't ask big questions
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
