i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
