If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he thought i was a dude.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize