In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
